"I Weep for Narcissus"

I've just started reading The Alchemist with a few colleagues in a virtual book club. The book opens with a story of how the lake pined for Narcissus when he was drowned. You know the story of Narcissus. He admired his reflection a little too well, for he was beautiful, and this led to his demise. However, the lake did not notice that he was beautiful. It grieved and yearned for Narcissus because when it looked at him, it saw the beauty in itself reflected in his eyes.

(Painting by John William Waterhouse)

There is also a flower called Narcissus, also known as daffodil or jonquil. I don't have any in my garden at the moment, but I can't think of jonquils without remembering Joanne Woodward's delightful performance of the mother (Amanda) in The Glass Menagerie. There's a scene in which she recalls her youth and a variety of gentleman callers, and how she had "malaria fever" but went out anyway, just taking quinine and carrying on. In those days, she gathered up jonquils whenever she saw them, and her mother said, "You can't bring anymore jonquils in the house," but she brought them in anyway, by the armful. It's a nostalgic, tender scene because we understand she hasn't been quite as happy again as she was at that time of her life. We understand that to see jonquils now, for her, is to be reminded of who she was, of her own beauty as a young woman.

I've planted at least two hundred bulbs so far during the quarantine, and I already had many lilies and gladioli ready to blossom. Yesterday, I planted black adder hyssop, pearl polianthes, and crocosmia. Soon, this yard will be so full of color and beauty that I will be in a wonderworld. I wonder if the beauty of these flowers reflects something alive in me... something colorful, vivid, playful...

I suppose there are many reasons for having a garden, but I can't help but think that one good reason is to find the beauty and wonder in us again. It seems to be why we go to concerts, too, or listen to music alone in our rooms.

This evening, I'm listening to another fantastic performance at De Barra's Folk Club online. John Spillane has taken me through the whole country and spirit of Ireland in his music. The very first song brought tears to my eyes. I weep for Narcissus... and that is a good thing.

One for the road, John Spillane says. Yes, one for the road, my friends. I'm gonna set you free...

Tamara

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